Love that wasn't, WAS!

I sat thinking of his charming love. I yearned for his love with every new day dawn and the break of new dusk. The lover he was in my pretty simple world. I can hardly forget how he gazed at me and reminded me of his undying love for me. The long nature walks, holding hands; smooches under the moonlight… were events I upheld so tight. His messages, left me crazily driven and speeding on the highway of his love. The beautiful names were an inviting pool I dived into and drowned with no lifesaving gears.

His life was my life, his business was mine, and I trusted him more than my soul. All I wanted was an empire; a king and his queen; yes a castle for two. Nothing was more beautiful than discovering the mutuality that existed between us. I still remember one evening; we walked along the coastal beaches, awed in the beauty of the blue waters. He looked into my eyes, marveled by the gaze I barely could wait for the next move, he bent and wrote my name on the grains of sand. What more could a Queen ask for? I knew I might have been wrong before, but this time right with him is what I felt.

I couldn’t wait for the new sunrise, to hit the gym and look better for him. I knew true beauty trickles all the way to statuesque and curvaceous kinds of bodies. Love comes in handy with sensible fashion and voguish touch, according to the knowledge I had. When he was out with his boys, I spent time on the internet trying to educate tiny self on how to love him better, admiring my “couple goals”, needing nothing less than to be like them. The existing materials didn’t fail; the stereotypes were right on point because each tip I applied helped boost my relationship. Clearly, she was ready for a forever kind of relationship. I gave up all my values for him, all my principles for his, all my beliefs for him. He was mine, and I was his.

Lovey-Dovey days began receding, insecurity and fears, began creeping in, loneliness engulfment took shape and tears of joy transformed to grief, as every pleasure turned to pressure. Anxiety and nervousness became part of my daily garments. Whining and wailing turned out to be part of my iridescent world. Thoughts of the days I told him, I will always love and need him with no deception condiments kept lingering in my head. The Compromise, Sacrifices, Undivided Attention, the Love I out-poured would just go to waste at my own vivid sight. I wondered if he could ever know how often I stayed awake at night trying to figure out how to help him understand my pain. None of the options kept me from telling him how I felt, my authentic emotions; my love for him.

The deal tie-breaker was on this occasion when I finally sought answers. Walking under the rain with a million and one thoughts was my journey to him; quest after explanations. That is when I glanced up from under my eyelashes and adage what I couldn’t believe. They stood closer than, before holding hands, smiling at each other. My stomach twisted with the hurt and heartache, I didn’t want to watch them, but, I couldn’t look away. It was like a car crash. I sank back in the darkness and shut my eyes, never wanting to see them again, wishing that these feelings would fade away. My cup was empty, and I was alone in my pain if only he knew or I knew better. I was at a war and I was losing.

Broken-hearted girl I was. Could I have missed out on the love concept? A voice echoed saying…” love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, It does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered; it does not keep of record of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hope always preserves…love never fails.” The words were clear, but this kind of love seemed impossible, I thought to myself. Immediately I heard a deeper voice say…” there is nothing impossible with the Lord”. But, I cannot be perfect for this; neither did I feel worth it. Again the deeper voice said…” when perfection comes imperfection disappears”. When the Love of Christ is bestowed within us every other thing flees away. His love consumes us and makes us better beings.

Still insecure and hurt, the voice kept reminding me true love never fails. Who is this, willing to love a broken wreck? I have just kissed it goodbye with mine, how different would this love be? A striking reply came by, “I will be your Main because you are mine”. For once I felt a sense of ownership. “I loved you before you loved me”. Instantly, I realized that was the true Love call. The love I have always heard about but never paid close attention to. The unfailing True Love, of He who loved us before the fountains of the earth. In need of some love, I let Him be my Love.

My mine wrote my name on the beach sand, but my Main tells me He engraved me on the palm of His hands; my walls are ever before Him (Isaiah 49:16). He took all my insecurities away, and He told me to forget about my past for He is doing a new thing (Isaiah 43:18). He reminded me of the cross; a priceless gift for my redemption. Over and over He stretched His hands waiting upon me. In my darkest sinful path, He still let me see the light of a new day. Undeserving was I, but He still loved and cared, anyway. He told me to seek Him diligently, worship Him and in Spirit, to love Him alone, to have confidence and faith in Him, as I watch carefully to do what He says, then my life will always be as He guides me, filled with joy, favor, love and much more out of the abundance and riches of His Grace.

That is when I realized, my love concept was wrong. The Love that I thought was, wasn’t, and the Love I thought wasn’t, was. In life, we use the wrong Love cart roads and end up bruised and broken. There is however a living Hope, we cannot be separated from the Love of God (Romans 8:35-39), His Love for us Endures Forever. He gives us better names; that blood that speaks better words than that of Abel covered us. (Hebrews 12:24) Through it all, it’s important to cultivate a culture of letting God take the wheel, teaching us through the Counsel of the Holy Spirit.

You might go through a tough and challenging situation in your life today. Looking at your life seems like a valley of dry bones. I need to remind you; you are not alone. You are not forgotten. The Lord still loves you and is concerned about your welfare. Remember the Children of Israel, when pride caught up with them, and they forgot about their real Saviour, they were handed over to their enemies. But, a day came when God restored them. When God told Ezekiel to prophesy to the dry bones (Ezekiel 37:1-13), through the powerful words given breathe and Life by God, I declare and decree life in your dry and dead situation. The Lord will take you through your situation and bring you back to where you belong, and then you will declare His decrees and acknowledge His sovereignty over all. He will put His spirit in you, and you shall live, that’s when you will understand His unfailing love for you and His restoration might upon your life. In Jesus' name… Amen.

As you wake up each day may you remember Your God is in your midst; a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will exult over you with loud singing (Zephaniah 3:17). This is indeed Love by the Alpha and Omega.